🧚 Opening, part 5

I myself then should have liked to see the Prince and Princess; and they were just poking their heads out of the door, but, whilst it was opening, I slipped and fell down flat.1

THE SORRY DRUNKARD2

Once there lived an old man, and he was such a sorry drunkard as words cannot describe.3 He used to go to the drinking-booth, drink green wine, and crawl away home through the hops.4 And his road lay across a river.5

When he came to the river, he did not dally to think; but slipped off his boots, hung them on his head, and wandered at ease till he came into the middle, stumbled and fell into the water, and was heard of no more.6

But he had a son, Ugly Peter, Petrúsha.7 When Petrúsha saw that his father had vanished utterly, he became melancholy, and wept, had a Requiem Mass sung for his soul, and began to administer the property.8

One day, on a Sunday, he went to church to pray to God.9 As he was going on his way, in front of him there was a woman crawling along, going slowly, slowly, stumbling on the reeds, and scolding hard: “What the devil knocks you against me!”10

Petrúsha heard her ugly language, and said: “Good-day, Auntie; where are you going?”11

“I am off to church, Gossip, to pray to God.”12

“But is not it very sinful of you, going to church to pray to God, and then invoking the Unholy Spirit?13 You stumbled, and then invoked the devil!”14

Well, he went on, and he heard Mass, and went on and on; and suddenly, from somewhere or other, there stood in front of him a fine youth who bowed down to him and said: “Thank you, Petrúsha, for your good word.”15

“What are you?16 Why do you thank me?”17 Petrúsha asked.18

“Oh, I am the Devil, and I am thanking you because when the old woman was stumbling along and barking at me uselessly, you put in a good word for me.”19 And he began to beseech him: “Do come, Petrúsha, and be my guest, and I will give you a reward—gold and silver—all you wish.”20

“All right!” said Petrúsha; “I will come.”21

And the Devil gave him his directions, and instantly vanished, and Petrúsha went back home.22

Next day Petrúsha went to pay a visit to the Devil—went on and went on for three whole days; and he got into a deep wood—into the dreary and darksome forest where he could not see the sky.23 And in that forest there stood a rich palace; and when he came to the palace, a fair maiden saw him.24 She had been stolen from a village by the Unholy Spirit.25 She saw him and asked: “Why have you come here, doughty youth?26 Here the devils live, and they will tear you to tatters.”27

Petrúsha told her how and why he had come to this palace.28

“Well, look you to it,” the fair maiden said; “the devils are going to give you gold and silver—do not take any of it.29 Only ask them to give you the sorry horse on which the unholy spirits load their fuel and water.30 This horse is your father.31 When he got drunk and fell into the water, the devils instantly got hold of him, turned him into a horse, and now he serves as the beast of burden to carry their wood and water for them.”32

Then that same youth came forward who had invited Petrúsha to pay him a visit, and he began to entertain him with all sorts of sweetmeats and drinks.33 Then the time came for Petrúsha’s departure home.34

“As a parting gift,” the Devil said to him, “I will give you money, and a splendid horse, and you shall ride home royally.”35

“This is of no use to me,” Petrúsha answered.36 “But if you will give me anything, give me that sorry jade—that battered jade which carries your wood and water.”37

“Whatever use is that sorry nag to you?38 Why, you will hardly get home on it!39 Why, it tumbles down if you look at it!”40

“I don’t mind about that; give it to me; it is the only thing I will take.”41

So the devils gave him the sorry jade.42 Petrúsha took it and led it out to the entrance.43 As soon as he was at the outside, he met the fair maiden, who asked: “Have you got the horse?”44

“Yes, I have.”45

“Then, fair youth, when you arrive at your village, take the cross off from your neck and pass it round the horse three times, and then hang the cross on its head.”46

Petrúsha bowed down to her, and set on his way; and he arrived at his village, and did all the maiden had commanded: took his copper cross from his neck, passed it three times round the horse, and hung the cross on its head.47 And all at once it was the horse no longer; but, instead, became his own father.48

The son looked at the father, shed hot tears, and took him into his own _izbá_.49 [11] The old man lived for three days without speaking, and could not unseal his tongue.50 After that, they lived on in all good luck and happiness.51

The old man altogether forsook being drunk; and to his last day not a drop of wine passed his lips.52

THE WOLF AND THE TAILOR53

This story is a story of the past—of the days when Christ and the Twelve Apostles still walked on earth.54 [12]55

One day they were still on their road, going on a long, long road, and a wolf met them and said: “Lord, I am feeling hungry.”56

“Go,” Christ said to him, “and eat a mare.”57

So the wolf went to look for a mare.58

And he saw her going up and down, and said: “Mare, the Lord has bidden me eat you!”59

So she answered: “Well, please do not eat me—it is not the proper thing.60 But I have a passport on me; only it is driven in very hard.”61

“Well, show it me.”62

“Just come near my hind feet!”63

So the wolf went up, and she kicked him with her hoofs, and knocked out his front teeth, so that the wolf was thrown, at a blow, three _sazhéns_[13] away, and the mare ran off.64

Back the wolf came with a petition, met Christ, and said: “Lord, the mare almost killed me!”65

“Well, go on and eat the ram.”66

So the wolf ran up to the ram—ran up and said: “Ram, I am going to eat you—it is the command of the Lord.”67

“Well, come and eat me up if you will.68 I will stand on the hill, and will jump up into your mouth all ready.”69

So the wolf stood on the hill, and the ram told him to open his mouth.70 So the wolf went and stood on the hill and opened his mouth for the food, and the ram ran down and hit him hard with the horns on his forehead—_whack_!71 The wolf was knocked off his feet, and the ram went away.72 And the wolf got up, looked all round, and there was never a sign of the ram.73

So he went up with another complaint.74 And he found Christ and said: “Lord, even the ram has deceived me.75 Why, it almost knocked me to bits.”76

“All right!” said Christ, “go and eat the tailor.”77

So the wolf ran up, and he met a tailor on the way.78 “Tailor,” he said, “I am going to eat you, by command of the Lord.”79

“All right.80 Let me say good-bye—I should like to greet my kin.”81