🧚 Opening, part 37

As soon as he had spoken these words a little devil rose up at once in front of him and said, “Hail, soldier, what do you wish?1 Did you just now not say that you wished to become one of our servants?2 Why, soldier, come up and be hired: we will pay you well.”3

“What is the work?”4

“Oh, the work is easy enough: for fifteen years you must not shave, you must not have your hair cut, you must not blow your nose, and you must not change your garb.5 If you serve this service, then we will go to the king, who has three daughters.6 Two of them are mine, but the third shall be yours.”7

“Very well,” said the soldier, “I will undertake the contract; but I require in return to get anything my soul hankers after.”8

“It shall be so; be at peace; we shall not be in default.”9

“Well, let it befall at once.10 Carry me at once into the capital and give me a pile of money; you know yourself how little of these goods a soldier ever gets.”11

So the little devil dashed into the lake, got out a pile of gold, and instantaneously carried the soldier into the great city, and all at once he was there!12

“What a fool I have been!” said the soldier: “I have not done any service, no work, and I now have the money!”13 So he took a room, never cut his hair, never shaved, never wiped his nose, never changed his garb, and he lived on and grew wealthy, so wealthy he did not know what to do with his money.14 What was he to do with his silver and gold?15 “Oh, very well, I will start helping the poor: possibly they may pray for my soul.”16 So the soldier began distributing alms to the needy, to the right and to the left, and he still had money over, however much he gave away!17 His fame spread over the whole kingdom, came to the ears of all.18

So the soldier lived for fourteen years, and on the fifteenth year the Tsar’s exchequer gave out.19 So he summoned the soldier.20 So the soldier came to him unwashed, unshaved, uncombed, with his nose unwiped and his dress unchanged.21

“Health, your Majesty!”22

“Listen, soldier.23 You, they say, are good to all folks: will you lend me some money?24 I have not enough to pay my troops.25 If you will I will make you a general at once.”26

“No, your Majesty, I do not wish to be a general; but if you will do me a favour, give me one of your daughters as my wife, and you shall have as much money as you wish for the Treasury.”27

So the king began to think: he was very fond of his daughters, but still he could not do anything whatsoever without money.28 “Well,” he said, “I agree.29 Have a portrait taken of yourself; I will show it to my daughters and ask which of them will take you.”30

So the soldier returned, had the portrait painted, which was feature for feature, unshaved, unwashed, uncombed, his nose unwiped, and in his old garb, and sent it to the Tsar.31

Now, the Tsar had three daughters, and the father summoned them and showed them the soldier’s portrait.32 He said to the eldest, “Will you go and marry him?33 He will redeem me from very great embarrassment.”34

The Tsarévna saw what a monstrous animal had been painted, with tangled hair, uncut nails and unwiped nose.35 “I certainly won’t!” she said, “I would sooner go to the Devil.”36 And from somewhere or other the Devil appeared, stood behind her with pen and paper, heard what she said, and entered her soul on his register.37

Then the father asked the next daughter, “Will you go and marry the soldier?”38

“What!39 I would rather remain a maiden; I would rather tie myself up with the Devil than go with him.”40 So the Devil went and inscribed her soul as well.41

Then the father asked his youngest daughter, and she answered, “Evidently this must be my lot: I will go and marry him and see what God shall give.”42

Then the Tsar was very blithe at this, and he went and told the soldier to make ready for the betrothal, and he sent him twelve carts to carry the money away.43

Then the soldier made use of his devil: “There are twelve carts; pile them all high at once with gold.”44 So the devil ran into the lake and the unholy ones set to work.45 Some of them brought up one sack, some two, and they soon filled the carts and sent them to the Tsar, into his palace.46

Then the Tsar looked, and now summoned the soldier to him every day, sat with him at one table, and ate and drank with him.47 When they got ready for the marriage the term of fifteen years was over.48 So he called the little devil and said, “Now my service is over: turn me into a youth.”49

So the devil cut him up into little bits, threw them into a cauldron, and began to brew him—brewed him, washed him and collected all his bones, one by one, in the proper way, every bone with every bone, every joint with every joint, every nerve with every nerve: then he sprinkled them with the water of life, and the soldier arose, such a fine young man as no tale can tell and no pen can write.50 He then married the youngest Tsarévna, and they began to live a merry life of good.51

I was at the wedding: I drank mead and beer.52 They also had wine, and I drank it to the very dregs.53

But the little devil ran back into the lake, for his elder hauled him over the coals to answer for what he had done with the soldier.54 “He has served out his period faithfully and honourably: he has never once shaved himself, nor cut his hair, nor wiped his nose, nor changed his clothes.”55

Then the elder was very angry.56 He said, “In fifteen years you were not able to corrupt the soldier!57 Was all the money given in vain?58 What sort of a devil will you be after this?”59 And he had him thrown into the burning pitch.60

“Oh no, please, grandfather,” said the grandson, “I have lost the soldier’s soul, but I have gained two others.”61

“What?”62

“Look: the soldier thought of marrying a Tsarévna; the two elder daughters both declined and said they would rather marry a devil than the soldier.63 So there they are, and they belong to us.”64

So the grandfather-devil approved what the grandson-imp had done, and set him free.65 “Yes,” he said, “you know your business very well indeed.”66

CHRIST AND THE GEESE67

One day St. Peter and Christ were out walking together.68 St. Peter was deep in thought and suddenly said: “How fine it must be to be God!69 If for half a day I might be God, then let me be Peter all the rest of my days!”70

The Lord smiled.71 “Your will shall be granted.72 Be God until nightfall.”73

They were approaching a village, and saw a peasant girl driving a flock of geese.74 She drove them to the meadow, left them there, and hurried back home.75

“Are you going to leave the geese by themselves?”76 St. Peter asked.77

“Well, what?—guard them to-day!78 It’s a feast-day.”79

“But who will look after the geese?”80

“God Almighty, maybe,” she said, and ran away.81

“Peter, you have heard her,” said the Saviour.82 “I should have been delighted to go with you to the village feast, but then the geese might come to some harm.83 You are God until nightfall, and must stay and watch them.”84

Poor Peter!85 He was angry; but had to stay and guard the geese.86 He never again wished to be God.87

CHRIST AND FOLK-SONGS88

One day Christ and St. Peter were walking about the earth and came to a village.89 In one house folks were singing so finely that Christ stayed to listen, whilst St. Peter went on.90 He turned back and found Christ still at His post.91 St. Peter went on again, and looked back: Christ was still listening.92 St. Peter went on again and then glanced back a third time—and Christ was still listening.93 Then he went back and heard a splendid folk-song in the house, stayed a while, and went on to another house where there also was singing.94 There St. Peter stayed, but Christ passed on.95 St. Peter hurried up and looked astounded.96

“What’s the matter?” asked Christ.97

“I could not make out why you stopped to listen to folk-songs and passed by the house where hymns were being sung.”98

“Oh, my dear son,” said Christ, “there was a good scent there in the one house where folk-songs were being sung; but there was no reverence about the house where they were chanting hymns.”99

THE DEVIL IN THE DOUGH-PAN100

Once a woman was kneading bread, but had forgotten to say the blessing.101 So the demon, Potánka,[56] ran up and sat down in it.102 Then she recollected she had kneaded the dough without saying the blessing, went up to it and crossed herself; and Potánka wanted to escape, but could not anyhow, because of the blessing.103 So she put the leavened dough through a strainer and threw it out into the street, with Potánka inside.104 The pigs turned him over and over, and he could not escape for three whole days.105 At last he tore his way out through a crack in the dough and scampered off without looking behind him.106

He ran up to his comrades, who asked him: “Where have you been, Potánka?”107

“May that woman be accursed!” he said.108

“Who?”109

“The one who was kneading her dough and had made it without saying the proper blessing; so I ran up and squatted in it.110 Then she laid hold of me and crossed herself, and after three livelong days I got out, the pigs poking me about and I unable to escape!111 Never again will I get into a woman’s dough.”112

THE SUN, THE MOON, AND CROW CROWSON113

Once upon a time there was an old man and an old woman who had three daughters.114 The old man went into the loft for some groats, and took them home, but there was a hole in the sack, and the groats were running and running out of the sack.115

The old man went home, and the old woman asked, “Where are the groats?”116 But all the groats had dripped out.117

So the old man went to collect them, and said, “If only the Sun would warm the grain, and the moon show its light on it, and Crow Crowson help me to get the groats, I would give my eldest daughter to the little Sun, and my middle daughter to the Moon, and my youngest to Crow Crowson.”118 So the old man set to collecting the grain, and the Sun warmed it, and the Moon shone on it, and Vóron Vóronovich helped to collect the grain.119

The old man came back home and said to the eldest daughter: “You must dress nicely and go out on the steps.”120 So she dressed and went out on the steps.121 And the Sun laid hold of her.122 And he commanded the next daughter in the same way to dress herself finely and to stand on the steps.123 So she dressed herself up and went out, and the Moon seized and took away the second daughter.124 And he said to the third daughter, “Dress yourself prettily and stand on the steps.”125 So she dressed herself prettily and stood on the steps, and Crow Crowson seized her and carried her away.126

Then the old man said, “I think I might go and visit my sons-in-law.”127 So he went to the Sun, and at last he arrived there.128

The Sun asked him, “With what shall I regale you?”129

“Oh, I don’t wish for anything!”130

So the Sun bade his wife make a custard ready.131 So the daughter prepared the custard; the Sun sat down in the middle of the floor, and his wife put the pan on him and the custard was soon cooked.132 So they gave the old father refreshment.133

Then the old father went back home and bade his wife make him a custard; and he sat down on the floor and commanded her to put the pan with the custard on to him.134

“What are you talking about?135 Bake it on you!” said the old wife.136

“Go on!” he replied.137 “Put it there; it will be baked!”138

So she put the pan on him, and the custard stood there for ages and was not ever cooked, only turned sour.139 It was no good.140 So in the end the wife put the pan into the stove, and this time the custard was baked and the old man got something to eat.141

Next day the old man went to stay as a guest with his second son-in-law, the Moon, and he arrived.142

And the Moon said, “With what shall I regale you?”143

“I do not wish for anything,” said the old man.144

So the Moon got the bath heated ready for him.145

The old man said, “Won’t it be very dark in the bath?”146

“No,” said the Moon to him, “quite light; only step in.”147

So the old man went into the bath, and the Moon twisted his little finger into a chink, and it was quite light in the bathroom.148 So the old man steamed himself thoroughly, went back home and told his wife to heat the bath at night.149 So the old woman heated it, and he sent her there to steam herself.150

“But,” she said, “it will be much too dark to steam myself!”151

“Go along! it will be light enough.”152

So the old woman went.153 And the old man saw how the Moon had lit the place up for him, and he went and bored a tiny hole in the bathroom and thrust his finger through it.154

But there was still no light in the bath, and the old woman shrieked out to him, “Dark! much too dark!”155 It was not any good.156 So she went out, brought a lamp, and enjoyed her steam bath.157

On the third day the old man went to Vóron Vóronovich.158 He got there.159

“How shall I regale you?” asked Vóron Vóronovich.160

“Oh,” said the old man, “I don’t want anything!”161

“Well, let us come and sleep on the perch.”162

So the Crow put a ladder up and climbed up there with his father-in-law.163 Crow Crowson settled himself comfortably with his head under his wing.164 But as soon as ever the old man dropped off to sleep both of them fell down and were killed.165

THE LEGLESS KNIGHT AND THE BLIND KNIGHT166